Sports are so strange. Think about it. One year, you’re rooting whole heartedly against a guy to screw up, praying on top of praying that he embarrasses the crap out of himself, leading his team to the jaws of defeat. Hypothetically, let’s give an example. Shayne Graham, former kicker for the Cincinnati Bengals.

He missed two field goals in the playoff game against the Jets last year, both of which were less than 40 yards. I’m no Jets fan, but, let’s face it, it’s hard to root for a division rival come playoff time. So, naturally, watching that game on TV, I found myself joining in at yelling at the screen for Graham to miss those kicks. As he shanked the second of the two, I did a little spin-o-rama over my coffee table, knocked over somebody’s beer, and, in the most bad-ass move possible in an attempt to save face, fist pumped the crap out of the air. It was glorious.

You see, Graham had taken his toll on my beloved Ravens over the years. Rooting against him (along with the rest of his team) was a part of life, like cereal with milk, peanut butter with jelly, or shots of Old Grandad at ten in the morning on your birthday. It was fun, he was disliked, and so continued the wonderful game of football and the rivalries that make it so exciting.

However, jumping to today, many of us in Baltimore have had a change of heart. We no longer have a distaste for Shayne Graham. In fact, I hope that he makes every single field goal and every single extra point conversion all season long. I hope that he brings a holy grace to the locker room, like an angel with golden wings and a harp, guaranteeing total domination through song. I hope all of this because the Baltimore Ravens have signed Graham to a one year deal, worth as much as $2.5 miiiiillion dollars *pinky finger moves to corner of mouth*.

See why sports are so weird? I’ve spent many a day over the past seven seasons, hoping that Graham would come down with some sort of disease where his leg would fall off and that he ceased to be such a stellar performer at his position. You can’t blame me. For starters, this guy is the 4th most accurate kicker in the history of the NFL. That’s all time, people. He’s made 196 field goals on 230 attempts. That’s 85%. That’s a solid B in school. I don’t know about you, but if that’s not cool with you, maybe you should go clean your pocket protector and go sort your pencil sharpeners in alphabetical order according to color.

But now, the tides have turned. It’s a clean slate, and all past history of hatred and animosity has vanished into thin air. I think it was David Copperfield that said it best – “Poof!” – to sum up the change made in this love/hate relationship. Graham has relinquished the orange and black uniform with the ugly Bengal-striped helmet, and will now don the royal shade of purple and gold. He will kick field goals like a king, with a leg that strikes through and through. He will feast on opponents with his unmatched ability to end games decisively (until overtime in the playoffs), and then feast with his new friend, Ray Lewis, on delicious fowl and wine. The throne that has been vacant since Matt Stover left will finally be filled again with a valiant competitor. Shane Graham, The Mighty.

Wow, it’s getting late.

Apparently, this guy got a bad rap in Cincy last year when he missed an important field goal or two, a couple of them coming during a playoff game or something. I don’t know for sure, some jackass spilled a beer during that game and I was too busy cleaning it up to be paying attention. All I know is that, despite the ill feelings that some Bengals’ fans have towards Mr. Graham, Ravens’ fans should feel a sense of confidence. There is finally a sure-footed master of his craft in Baltimore, ready to split uprights and win games, all while taking some pressure off of Flacco and friends to feel as if a touchdown must be scored on every offensive drive down the field. He is the final piece needed to complete the total makeover, projecting the Ravens’ offense to be closer to the top than they have ever been before.

Team/Player Photos: Baltimore Ravens v St. Louis Rams on Sep 02, 2010

The competition between Graham and current kicker, Billy Cundiff, will heat up as we drive closer towards the season. However, the Ravens have never been shy from keeping two kickers on the roster. While many people are talking up this upcoming battle for the position, don’t be surprised if Baltimore chooses to take a route a bit less traveled, and keep both players around. While Graham has shown that he is capable, his 2009 campaign is undoubtedly weighing on the minds of John Harbaugh and his coaching staff ever so slightly. The position of kicker in Baltimore is one that is held with highest respect, thanks to Stover. There won’t be one second when Harbaugh forgets that Ravens’ fans want just as much out of their kicker as they do from any other position on the team.

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