Um… I think I just had a heart attack. Seriously, thank you to the Baltimore Ravens, the world’s most agonizing football team, health insurance is now a top priority for me. Yes, the win was comforting, and I understand the ramifications that it brings (the Ravens remain just a game behind the Steelers for the division lead, although, who am I really kidding? The battle for the AFC North is all but over). The Texans have been all but eliminated from post season contention, leaving the Jacksonville Jaguars, a former division rival, with a riveting role in the AFC playoff picture. Jacksonville, the team that, for years, provided havoc among Ravens’ defenders with their immaculate passing game and their intimidating finesse. The Jaguars, who, for all intensive purposes, should have become the Baltimore “Somethings”, but because of a discrepancy among NFL front office egos, got located in a town where football was downgraded for the likes of Pat Boone, Limp Bizkit headman Fred Durst (may his career rest in peace), and historical locations in movies such as The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking and Why Do Fools Fall In Love? (a valid question; Why do they?).

But I digress.

This is not to poke fun at Jacksonville, no matter how easy it may be. From what I hear, it is a great place to go. Just don’t go to a football game. Zing!

Regardless, the facts are facts. You want a reality check? Take a look at the AFC playoff picture. Despite the garbage that I playfully throw at Jacksonville (please, Fred Durst, don’t hunt me down and rap to me), there is one shining flaw that sticks out like Cliff Lee in an Orioles’ uniform. The Jags are seeded higher than the Ravens.

Don’t believe me? Check the standings for yourself (thanks, Yahoo! Sports. At least I can always rely on you to get the standings correct).

Do you really want to talk about pathetic? First of all, please don’t take that question literally, because I’m your guy if you want to have a full fledged conversation about it. Secondly, considering the first half of the season that Baltimore had, with wins over the likes of the Jets and the Steelers, as well as “should have been” wins against New England and Atlanta (“Should Have Been” is defined as a game during which the Ravens had the lead at some point in the 4^th quarter but lost it due to unknown reasons *cough*Cam Cameron*cough*), going into week thirteen, it’s hard to fathom the fact that the Ravens won’t have a home playoff game this post season. Despite having a better record than Jacksonville and Kansas City, Baltimore will head off somewhere crappy and be expected to win a game in order to advance to play somebody worthwhile.

For my sake, please find some wood and start knocking on it.

Ok, let’s do the bright side first.

The Baltimore Ravens, for all intensive purposes, will be a playoff team. I think I’m in accordance with the majority when I say that, other than the game against New Orleans next week, the rest of the season is a lock. Cincinnati has not had the swagger that they carried last year. Ocho, I’m looking at you, buddy. And Cleveland… what can be said about you? Respect circles among you like the birds circled around Mohamed Massaquoi’s head after he got leveled by James Harrison (tool). An upcoming team like the Browns, who, for some reason, won’t start the future QB of the franchise (Colt McCoy), are always dangerous.

However, if the Ravens don’t beat Cleveland, and by “don’t beat” Cleveland I really mean “don’t stop Peyton Hillis”, then it will be a sad, sad day in Annapolis, close to Baltimore but better because we are the capital of the state, Maryland. Cars may be overturned, radio stations may be set on fire, and I may lose a Ravens’ jersey, not because of the high crime rate in Baltimore, but because I may actually set it on fire and roast marshmellows over top the shooting flames.

And with that, I can easily say that the bright side doesn’t shine too far; It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that divisional games aren’t the easiest to rely on. It doesn’t matter what teams are playing; When it comes down to AFC North battles, it’s life in the trenches. So, by “bright side”, I really mean a somewhat dim aura with a glimmer of hope, like gold glittering in the mud from far away, or L’il Wayne’s teeth during a rainstorm. That glimmer is the preparation of the Ravens’ team as they realize that this is the point of no return. No matter how frustrating this team can be, they have always won games that they are supposed to win. And for that, the fans need to be thankful (it’s the holidays so be thankful damn it!).

This is the part that’s going to suck.

The Baltimore Ravens were exposed on Monday Night football. We all saw it. Raise your hands (touchdown signal style) if you noticed. Now, with your hands still raised, go to the comment box below and write how much you hate me.

You’re too kind.

Cam Cameron has gotten into this habit of settling. Like the pioneers, he finds a comfortable situation and doesn’t want to move. It’s a lot like a dog taking a dump; The idea never changes and habits form. But, just as the neighbor’s lawn is not a good place for your pooch to drop a deuce, the NFL is not a great place for an offense to decide that they don’t need to push anymore.

The Ravens are blessed with arguably the best receiving corp in the league. Anquan Boldin, T.J. Houshmandzadeh (I can honestly say, for the first time, I did NOT have to look up the spelling before typing his name), and Derrick Mason give enough fire power to strike total fear in opposing defenses. Donte Stallworth is one of the fastest players in the league. Todd Heap, when healthy, is a sure thing when the ball is thrown within three feet of his hands. Ray Rice is one of the best backfield receiving threats in the league (hence why he was the 3^rd overall draft pick in my fantasy league this season).

So I have to pose the question. Are there people out there that don’t agree? And more importantly, is Cam Cameron one of them?

I feel like I repeat myself blog after blog about how good this offense could be. Honestly, the record keeps scratching, and it’s bad for business. Cameron’s faults overpower anything else that this team does.

Point number one. Twenty-one points is an outstanding output for a first half. If you take that, and add the second half opening kick return for a touchdown by David Reed (which makes twenty-eight (28) for all of you mathematicians out there), and Baltimore is made to look like an offensive juggernaut.

But why stop?

I’m sorry, but this is not the NCAA. This is not college. We are not back in 2006 with USC up against some scrawny school like Frostburg State University (yes, cheesy shout-out to my Division III school… go Bobcats!), where running up a score is looked down upon as the greatest sin against mankind. This is the NFL. This is a league of overpaid professionals led by overpaid coaching staffs who are overpaid by overpaid owners. There is no shame. There is no embarrassment. There are only wins and losses.

Watch the film. Go to NFL Network and watch the replay. I’ll be damned if Cam Cameron does not shut down his offense after the Reed kick return touchdown. I can see it now, the closed caption of his brain, floating across my TV screen. “We have the lead. Joe Flacco is too tender, like a delicious steak. We can’t let them hurt him. Dump passes when it should be a run and runs when it should be play action. That sounds about right.”

Dear Cam, let Flacco take a chance. Let him throw down field. The team is up by twenty-one points! Why not call the play action and let him take the opportunity for Stallworth for the endzone? Please? If not for anything else, you won’t cause thousands of fans to want to drink heavily and hope to pass out before the game ends all because the highlights are a lot less stressful than the stress that the live action causes.

Everybody saw the dropped pass by Mason in the very beginning of the game. The pass that, if had been caught, would have been a huge play to open up the game. So Cam? Why not go back to that play again? It obviously worked- Mason was wide open with defenders eating dust. A case of butterfingers (not the candy. I would never cast that delicious treat in a negative light… they are too good!) was the sole reason why the play wasn’t executed. But I have to wonder why those same tasty butterfingers were also the reason why the offense never tried the call again.

Point number two. The Ravens’ defense got tired, no doubt about it. Anybody that was watching the game heard Jon Gruden and his little friends talking about how exhausted Jarrett Johnson and Terrell Suggs looked. And, to be honest, they were all correct. If you want a dead giveaway to how pooped your team’s defense is, there is no better clue than a three man rush on every play. Yeah, whine about how it was a prevent defense, how it’s been a Ravens’ staple for years, blah blah blah (trust me, I heard it all and I’m very, very bitter about it). Want to know something? If they could have avoided the prevent, they would have. Exhaustion is a horrible thing; It makes you do things that you wouldn’t believeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

Sorry, I fell asleep.

Let’s beat a dead horse, shall we? Ok! Want to know why the defense was tired? Want to know why the stellar defensive prowess of the Baltimore Ravens disappeared at the end of the game? Want to know why Ray Lewis and all of his buddies seemed winded between every play?

Cam Cameron.

What? Cam Cameron? He’s the offensive coordinator, you ask. How did he have anything to do with the defense? Well, for starters, he’s an idiot. He has no idea of balance. For a guy that has been a head coach, you’d think that he would realize one thing- the time that an offense doesn’t spend on the field, the defense does. It’s like 2+2 (again with the mathematics… just consider this a refreshment course).

Hey Cam? Why don’t you try keeping your offense on the field for more than three plays at a time? The Ravens couldn’t buy an offensive drive if they were Bill Gates in an Apple store. When it comes down to technicalities, there is one rhyme my mother taught me as she sung me to sleep as a child.

When the offense stalls, the defense will fall.

When the offense always loses the ball, the defense starts to crawl.

Like babies, the defense crawls, because they are tired and don’t stand tall.

Because not everybody is like Shaq, and sometimes the defense and the offense just want the game to end so they can go to the mall.

And shop for fashions.

With the offense spending so little time on the field, the defense was more than likely to get tired. Can you blame them? If there is one thing the Ravens’ D knows how to do, it is to play their hearts out. With a twenty-one point lead, exertion of all of their energy is not to be blamed, but to be praised. They didn’t know that the Texans would get back into it. They didn’t know Cam Cameron would sit on the lead as if he was enjoying his day off reading the newspaper on the porcelain. All they knew was that Houston was doing nothing to help their own cause; Dropped passes, misreads on Andre Johnson’s routes, and terrible penalties were leading to a quick defeat. And so it goes. You may say they were tired. I say that they were warriors.

A test will come next week when Drew Brees brings his high powered offense to Baltimore. The Ravens, who have only suffered one defeat at home this year, will look to redeem themselves against the defending champions. Home is where the heart is, or so it has seemed for the most part for Baltimore this year. They have not lost a game to a non-division opponent on home turf this season. Will Brees change their luck? Let’s hope not.